Some of you may have read this before. But heck this is my first time at this. So be patience wif me. When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking bastard who made you sad. When you are blue... I will try to dislodge whatever's choking you. When you smile... I will know you finally got laid. When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get. When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb a**. When you are sick... Stay away from me until you're well again; I don't want whatever you have. When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy a**. This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why, you may ask?... Because you're my friend.