Never too late to make New Year’s Resolutions
Probably
the number one question asked most often by gay couples is,
unsurprisingly, "How do I make my relationship better?" So, in line
with the beginning of a New Year, here's a short blurb
that lists some possible action steps you might take to improve your
partnership in the coming year. We’ve all heard of making personal New
Year’s Resolutions like "I’m going to lose weight this year" or "I’m
going to go to the health club more often", but what would happen if we
expanded upon that concept and created Resolutions for our
relationships as couples?
With our busy lifestyles and excessive
demands placed upon our time, it can be very easy to take our
relationships for granted and unconsciously place them on the low end
of our priority scales. And with those couples who have been together
for a long time, it’s even easier to settle into comfortable routines
and patterns (as if on auto-pilot) at the expense of attending to and
nurturing our relationship with our partners. This neglect is a primary
reason for relationship discord, boredom, and a host of other problems
that begin to erode at the foundation of our bonds as lovers/husbands.
Catapult Your Relationship In The New Year!
Conscious
intention toward putting consistent energy into your relationship is
crucial for its longevity and success. So why not, as a couple, create
your own list of New Year’s Resolutions for your relationship and make
sure to attend to the items on your list. In fact, the actual act of
the two of you sitting down and developing a list would be a great
first item, something the two of you could creatively do that fosters
togetherness and mutual brainstorming on ways to super-charge your
connection. In essence, the two of you are creating a vision for your
relationship, and the pure act of doing that begins to cement more
intimacy between you as you have common goals to strive toward and
celebrate the successes along the way.
Need some help creating
some Resolutions? While it’ll have more meaning and substance if you
and your partner can create your own, here’s some examples that you
might use; they might even spark some additional ideas of your own!
Have at it, and enjoy the process!
Sample Relationship New Year’s Resolutions
"For this year 2007, we as a couple, resolve to do the following for the benefit and growth of our relationship..."
1.
To listen to each other without interrupting as a way to improve our
communication and validate each other’s perspectives on issues.
2.
To take notice of the "little things" we do and to acknowledge our
observation of these things as a way to keep giving each other positive
strokes.
3. To make more time for each other and restructure our
schedules so that we have more quality time and availability to go out
on dates and enjoy each other.
4. To make love to each other with more passion, intensity, and creativity.
5. To create a scrapbook of memories of our life together that will act as a legacy of our relationship.
6.
To make sure that we have some kind of dialogue on a daily basis that
keeps us centered on each other and keeps the distractions of our lives
at bay.
7. To surprise each other with simple adorations of our
love for each other, whether it be flowers sent to the office or a love
note slipped in our briefcases.
8. To attend personal growth
workshops, couples’ retreats, sign up for relationship coaching
sessions, or read books that will help us keep growing and developing
as a couple.
9. To make more friends and surround ourselves with positive people who will affirm and support our relationship.
10.
To work through any self-esteem issues or internalized homophobia that
either one of us may have that interfere with us being able to show the
world that we are proud to be gay and a couple.
11. To say "I
love you" more often and take "Time-Outs" as needed when we’re angry so
we don’t escalate problems and say things that will hurt one another.
12.
To ensure that we each have both an individual identity and an identity
as a couple to bring about more balance/health to our partnership.
Having outside interests, hobbies, and passions will help bring more
novelty and freshness to our lives.
13. To be honest and direct
with our feelings and needs instead of keeping things to ourselves. We
also will avoid placing blame on each other and will acknowledge
mistakes and take responsibility accordingly.
Conclusion
And
the list can go on and on. Fine-tune these, as well as the ones you’ve
come up with so that they are specific, concrete, and measurable. This
way, you both know exactly what you have to do to accomplish the goals
you’ve set because they’re spelled out with no "wiggle-room" for
sabotage, and you’ll ensure that they’re achievable. Prioritize your
items and only focus on a few initially so as not to get too
overwhelmed.
Maintain these tasks, and your commitment will soar
to new heights. Reward yourselves for jobs well done and periodically
assess and check-in with each other to gauge how you’re doing and if
any revisions or additions need to be made. All the
best with your new relationship goals and objectives in 2007!